I have this thing in me that shows up a lot, Doubt, which I guess comes from Fear. It keeps me from doing all kinds of things, or has me do things kind-of-sort-of rather than completely. It bothers and annoys me, though I suppose it might have important things to tell me, perhaps it is there for a reason. I don’t usually know why or what it has to tell me, but I’d like to start paying more attention and perhaps find out.
So, Danica Sena introduced me to this estribillo, from the end of a farruca, which she danced beautifully. Gracias, guapa!
Báilame Malena
Báilame Malena
tira al viento todas tus penas
rompe ya todas tus cadenas
y olvida tú sin razón
Mira que el cariño que te tengo es de niño
yo te quiero más que a nadie en este mundo
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Los Habitantes del Mundo Perdido
Niño Josele/Javier Limón
Corazón perdío
que me vuelve loca
y a caramelito me sabe tu boca…
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Ok, so, I put this question up on the white board in the studio in mid-December... What can you do now that you couldn't do at the beginning of the year? [little or BIG]
And someone said this,
"I can't even remember the beginning of the year."
So I reworded the question:
"What can you do now that you were unable to a month ago, or a week ago, or a day ago, or even a minute ago!?"
What can you do now that you couldn't do before? [little or BIG]
Anyway, there it was on the easel with sticky notes...for people to respond...and some people actually did. Oleeeeee! So let's celebrate, the big and the small.
Here is what they said:
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We'll be solidifying all that we've learned so far about bulerías beginning tomorrow. In the meantime, here's a letra...
El sol le dijo a la luna
vivir contigo no puedo
porque cuando digo blanco
tú siempre me dices negro
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Ok, so I mentioned that I had another resolution, apart from the first one. This one is harder to put into words, so I'm allowing for it to be something other than a concise written statement. After all, soy artista, used to expressing myself in a variety of ways. This resolution has to do with my business, with respecting and honoring it. It has to do with allowing for it to evolve as it needs to evolve. It has to do with me providing the space and time to let this happen. It has to do with allowing myself to have doubts and fears but viewing those with curiosity rather than interpreting them as signals to give up.
¡Dejarlo todo, No!
You see, quite regularly, I think about quitting this all and just going back to working for someone else. It is confusing. And it kind of terrifies me. Maybe I am not supposed to say that here, but it is the truth, and I am saying it. It is not that I don't want to be here or that I don't love what I'm doing. Noooo, not at all. In fact, I have been doing some research and have discovered it is quite the opposite:
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It's the experience I had always wanted to find in Spain, and it has greatly enhanced my understanding of flamenco ... I've been to a number of flamenco festivals and schools, but I've never had a flamenco experience like this." - Stefani Miller
Would you like to know what it's like to dance flamenco in Spain?
Get the Day in the Life of a Flamenco Student in Spain series by clicking here.
A letra por fandangos.
This week I'm visiting my sister and brother-in-law and my three nieces for the holidays. When I arrived on Christmas Day Ada and Margot put on their flamenco dresses that I'd gotten for them in Spain last year. Each niece got a fan as well, that is tres abanicos for tres sobrinas. Since Ellie isn't really into the whole flamenco thing, she has been loaning us her fan this week and assisting in letra translation instead of dancing.
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And we notice while practicing. I know that in order to improve, practice is necessary, but paying attention and noticing are equally importante. The importance of focus, something I'm not always so good at doing... So everybody is talking about New Year's resolutions right now. I don't really remember having made any for the past several years. Perhaps this is because I haven't followed through and have forgotten them. Perhaps it is because I have in the past made big huge resolutions without keeping them. Perhaps it is because I'm so busy making little resolutions all year-round. No importa. This year I actually decided upon a New Year's resolution back in September or October or something. I didn't really mean to. It just came to me. Something I wanted to do...but didn't feel quite ready for.
Since then I have declared my resolution to certain people and have been preparing for it. And now I feel ready to commit.
Because I've given myself some time to practice.
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A villancico...
A la Nanita
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A la naninta nana, nanita ea, nanita ea,
Mi Jesús tiene sueño,
bendito sea, bendito sea.
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Is this why I do it? You see, I’ve noticed that flamenco is always telling me things, important things that go waaaaaaay beyond the art form. Sometimes I am able to hear, sometimes I am not. So it tells me things again and again, just in case I need reminders... which I usually do. Estoy muy agradecida, and I’m working on becoming a better listener.
Maybe you’re wondering just what kinds of things it tells me. Here are some of the important ones…
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Navega Sola by Mayte Martín
Al primer rayo de la luz de la mañana
despierto siempre preguntando dónde estás.
Con mi aliento empaño el cristal de mi ventana
y veo mi barquilla echarse a la mar.
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This week, a sevillanas by Lorca.
And look, here's our favorite Ricardo dancing to this very song in a bata de cola in a video dancing with Compañia Rafaela Carrasco.
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So about a year ago I started doing this thing called the Dance of Shiva (Shiva Nata). I learned about it from Danielle at Somaphile. And then learned much more about it from Havi Brooks. My friends considered it to be one more weird Laura thing. There are many of those. Anyway, I started it and haven't stopped. I did it just about every day while in Spain last spring. Heather would let me use her bedroom before going to class so that I wouldn't disturb Jackie while she was still sleeping. (I'm certain it helped me in Manolillo's class.) Once Diana W. arrived, she even did it with me a few times. And I still do it regularly.
Because I benefit. It helps me to realize things. It offers me all kinds of ideas. It heightens my awareness. And because I like it. It is fun! And challenging. Much like I'm drawn to the challenges of flamenco, I am drawn to the challenges of this dance.
Perhaps you're wondering what it is. The Dance of Shiva is a practice that uses physical movement patterns to train the brain.
Now perhaps you're wondering what in the world this has to do with flamenco. Well, quite a bit in my view. I'll just mention a few of ways for now:
Way #1 - I use it as a kind of creativity potion. Creativity potions are nice to have around..
Way # 2 - The Dance of Shiva is all about process. It reminds me to be present and to enjoy el proceso. Kind of like being in a great class does but in a very different way. Sometimes, especially now doing this flamenco thing "professionally," - that is completely scary to write, but I'm still writing it - I get too focused on the final product. Now I am supposed to be good. Now there are expectations. Now... Ay! And then I forget, forget that I just like DOING it. Me gusta hacerlo. Ya está. Sometimes I get so focused on an end result I don't think I can achieve that it completely overwhelms me to where I can't dance at all. Not good. But most of the things about flamenco I like have to do with process too, and Shiva Nata reminds me of this because there is no end result.
Way #3 - Mixing it with flamenco can be quite fun. For instance, sometimes I'll warm up my castanets while doing Dance of Shiva. I've even noticed some of the arm movements sneaking into my baile without my meaning for it to happen, especially during these shows with Toshi where I have to improvise so much...
So, I would like to incorporate it into some classes soon. Well, actually, I already have a few times. Like just after I finished the Shiva Nata Teacher Training in September. I asked the sevillanas ladies to be my guinea pigs with it. We used it to warm up our brains and bodies which resulted in a lot of laughter. Then we made much progress on our sevillanas. I know it will be the perfect compliment to the upcoming Create Your Own Choreography workshop.
If you're curious or have anything at all to say, feel free to leave a comment here.
Here are some tangos:
Tangos
Traditional
Mañana, mañana
los van a prender mañana
a todos los ojitos negros
los van a prender mañana
y tú qué negros los tienes
échate un velo en la cara
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Below Diana Welch, Oregon photographer, writer, videographer and flamenca shares one of her experiences with bulerías last Spring during her time in Jerez. Reading her story brought back memories of practicing with her in the living room, kitchen, wherever we could make it work. I also remember that she took a bus for about an hour to get to class, dedicada. Enjoy… Here in her blog, Laura has been discussing her learning process with respect to bulerías. While Laura and I are in different stages on the bulerias learning continuum, I experienced a sliver of light at the end of the tunnel in my own beginning class in Jerez last April.
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So Toshi keeps asking me to do these shows with him. I am considering myself to be very lucky. And I am considering the rehearsals to be like free concerts, free concerts for meeee! Then today during our rehearsal for Sunday's show at Tupai, I realized the musicians were sending me messages. Many many messages. Although I know they weren't meaning to send me messages nor were they aware that they were doing so. Pero los músicos me mandaban mensajes, hoy en el ensayo, muchos mensajes sin saberlo.
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Más bulerías.
(Traditional)
Que cosas dice este loco
Que no ha dicho una mentira
Pero una verdad tampoco
What things this crazy person says
He hasn't told a lie
But not a truth either
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Today un tientos entero. I pretty much begged Diana to learn this tientos from La Niña de los Peines (or the first part at least) so that I could dance to it. I told her about how it brought me to tears every time I listened to it.
Yikes.
That's what she thought.
I remember singing it with her on the phone in the kitchen. And she got it. And I danced to it. And it felt wonderful.
No te he dao motivo
Porque yo no te he dao motivo
que yo no te he hecho daño
tú te fuiste de mi vera
de mi verita te fuiste
te apartaste tú de mi vera
sin yo haberte dao motivo
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So my biggest issue with bulerías when I got to Jerez was the transitions. Well, ok, that’s not really true, my biggest issue after fear. But about the transitions, it was like all of a sudden I couldn’t see them. And I didn’t know what to do.
It was my first time in Ana María López’s class after dancing by myself in front of EVERYONE, which is what you have to do EVERY day there and actually NUMEROUS times every day.
And you can’t hide.
You can’t escape by leaving the room because someone calls you, even if you’re outside practicing or just trying to escape all of the smoke. - Yes, smoking. Lots of smoking goes on in class, from start to finish - And if you try to pretend you didn’t hear that you were called and still don’t come in, someone comes to get you.