The following post is about fear, about overwhelm, perhaps about stage fright. About Ricardo López's dancing and reaching my lack of motivation.
We've had all week to work on the show.
But I've felt FROZEN.
Congelada. I've found any excuse not to practice, not to get the help I wanted from Ricardo… At first I didn't know why. I just decided I was lazy.
I only went through things in my head. I know, I know, that's an important way of practicing.
Ricardo is sharp. He is fast. He is precise. He is intense. He sweats. He puts it all out there. I don't understand how he does this. I don't do this.
And I feel lazy.
Keep Reading
Ricardo is the star. I am still just me.
Ok, so I realized something this morning.
This might be my Dancing with the Stars...
I remember seeing that show and thinking how lucky those celebrities are to get to have their own personal, amazingly talented dance coach for an intensive period. There was some envy and jealousy. Then, as I mentioned, this morning I thought
Wait, isn't' that similar to what I have going on right now?
Ok, so let's look at this.
Today's post is about flamenco workshops, the different types and the different skills you can gain from different types.
My friend Shyiang from Vancouver has taken LOTS of workshops (even some here in Portland, from Ricardo López) She told me once that she would usually just learn the choreographies and then let them go. Her friends would wonder what was wrong with her. They would ask her how she could justify spending the money without even bothering to remember the choreography, without actually using it later.
The thing is, the experience itself was enough for her.
The experience itself made it worth it.
When attending a workshop, you, the student, get to choose. You may choose to go home with a funky new piece, or you may just focus on being there, on the dancing and the learning and the soaking up of that flamenco essence in the moment.
Often times people tend to get a bit nervous around workshop time. This is normal. Workshops can be quite scary. (Especially if you're anything like me.) We are getting ready to study with a professional who tours the world dancing in the most prestigious flamenco festivals. We are just normal people from the United States. Problematic thoughts start going through our minds. Thoughts like
How will I possibly keep up?What if the teacher gets completely frustrated with me?
What if he gets mad at me when I mess up?
I'm not dedicated enough to do this.
How will I get by not being able to speak any Spanish?
Thoughts like that.
"Déjame saber tu letra favorita, Tell me your favorite letra," I begged Ricardo. He gave me this one, from Ten Cuidao, a bulerías by Mayte Martín. Perhaps next week I'll post the first letra.
Anyway, here you'll see a video of Mayte Martín performing the whole thing live, and below that you'll find Ricardo's favorite part.
Keep Reading
Today, a bit about Ricardo López and a video of him performing with Compañia Rafaela Carrasco.
Cathy, who lives on the opposite coast, sent me a message. And I wanted to share it with you. It serves as a little reminder of
HOW
LUCKY
WE
ARE
Today, find out how Ricardo López approaches a flamenco workshop.
As you know, Ricardo is coming, so I thought you might like to get his take on the student's role in a workshop. And, yes, he himself still enjoys taking workshops. And why wouldn't he?
They are incredibly fun
They provide a chance to study with someone new
And a format for learning new things
No matter your level.
I know that workshops can seem overwhelming at times...
and hard, difícil!
He knows this too.
Keep Reading
A couple of weeks ago we had a performance. Abby, Julie, and Kikuyo, three members of the PFE Performance Group took part and danced fabulously, absolutely fabulously. I was so happy to be on stage with them, dancing together, supporting one another. I loved seeing how they each embraced their performance selves because they really truly did. As you may know, I love to interview people, so I asked these lovely dancers some questions. And I thought you might want to hear what they said.
I want to tell you a good story about Ricardo, in honor of the fact that the schedule for the Immersion is up. Sí, it's up!
There are many stories running through my brain
But I don't feel like writing any of them right now.
So, I'll just tell you some of the things I enjoy about him being here:
I have this thing in me that shows up a lot, Doubt, which I guess comes from Fear. It keeps me from doing all kinds of things, or has me do things kind-of-sort-of rather than completely. It bothers and annoys me, though I suppose it might have important things to tell me, perhaps it is there for a reason. I don’t usually know why or what it has to tell me, but I’d like to start paying more attention and perhaps find out.
Ok, so, I put this question up on the white board in the studio in mid-December... What can you do now that you couldn't do at the beginning of the year? [little or BIG]
And someone said this,
"I can't even remember the beginning of the year."
So I reworded the question:
"What can you do now that you were unable to a month ago, or a week ago, or a day ago, or even a minute ago!?"
What can you do now that you couldn't do before? [little or BIG]
Anyway, there it was on the easel with sticky notes...for people to respond...and some people actually did. Oleeeeee! So let's celebrate, the big and the small.
Here is what they said:
Ok, so I mentioned that I had another resolution, apart from the first one. This one is harder to put into words, so I'm allowing for it to be something other than a concise written statement. After all, soy artista, used to expressing myself in a variety of ways. This resolution has to do with my business, with respecting and honoring it. It has to do with allowing for it to evolve as it needs to evolve. It has to do with me providing the space and time to let this happen. It has to do with allowing myself to have doubts and fears but viewing those with curiosity rather than interpreting them as signals to give up.
¡Dejarlo todo, No!
You see, quite regularly, I think about quitting this all and just going back to working for someone else. It is confusing. And it kind of terrifies me. Maybe I am not supposed to say that here, but it is the truth, and I am saying it. It is not that I don't want to be here or that I don't love what I'm doing. Noooo, not at all. In fact, I have been doing some research and have discovered it is quite the opposite:
It's the experience I had always wanted to find in Spain, and it has greatly enhanced my understanding of flamenco ... I've been to a number of flamenco festivals and schools, but I've never had a flamenco experience like this." - Stefani Miller
Would you like to know what it's like to dance flamenco in Spain?
Get the Day in the Life of a Flamenco Student in Spain series by clicking here.
Is this why I do it? You see, I’ve noticed that flamenco is always telling me things, important things that go waaaaaaay beyond the art form. Sometimes I am able to hear, sometimes I am not. So it tells me things again and again, just in case I need reminders... which I usually do. Estoy muy agradecida, and I’m working on becoming a better listener.
Maybe you’re wondering just what kinds of things it tells me. Here are some of the important ones…
Below Diana Welch, Oregon photographer, writer, videographer and flamenca shares one of her experiences with bulerías last Spring during her time in Jerez. Reading her story brought back memories of practicing with her in the living room, kitchen, wherever we could make it work. I also remember that she took a bus for about an hour to get to class, dedicada. Enjoy… Here in her blog, Laura has been discussing her learning process with respect to bulerías. While Laura and I are in different stages on the bulerias learning continuum, I experienced a sliver of light at the end of the tunnel in my own beginning class in Jerez last April.
So Toshi keeps asking me to do these shows with him. I am considering myself to be very lucky. And I am considering the rehearsals to be like free concerts, free concerts for meeee! Then today during our rehearsal for Sunday's show at Tupai, I realized the musicians were sending me messages. Many many messages. Although I know they weren't meaning to send me messages nor were they aware that they were doing so. Pero los músicos me mandaban mensajes, hoy en el ensayo, muchos mensajes sin saberlo.
Keep Reading
So my biggest issue with bulerías when I got to Jerez was the transitions. Well, ok, that’s not really true, my biggest issue after fear. But about the transitions, it was like all of a sudden I couldn’t see them. And I didn’t know what to do.
It was my first time in Ana María López’s class after dancing by myself in front of EVERYONE, which is what you have to do EVERY day there and actually NUMEROUS times every day.
And you can’t hide.
You can’t escape by leaving the room because someone calls you, even if you’re outside practicing or just trying to escape all of the smoke. - Yes, smoking. Lots of smoking goes on in class, from start to finish - And if you try to pretend you didn’t hear that you were called and still don’t come in, someone comes to get you.
Ok, so getting back to bulerías... I already told you about how I happened to get hooked on bulerías. And there are many stories to go along with that. Both Happy Tales (like seeing El Torta perform in Jerez last April...in a place I wasn't supposed to be, but where I went anyway) and Horror Stories (ok, perhaps not horror stories - all of the Halloweenness appears to be affecting my language - we'll call them Crying in Bulerías Class Stories.) But those can wait for later.
Right now let's just focus on some important things to know about Bulerías de Jerez, some of the cositas I referred to the other day...
My main obstacle to bulerías has always been fear, not trusting my instincts. It's no different from my main obstacle in life. It is what makes me so indecisive. No wonder bulerías has always been so hard for me...I don't trust. Wah! This realization was profound. In a moment I'll share with you some things I've come to know about bulerías…things that have made it easier, less scary to dance. (There is also a Workshop coming up where we'll cover this in-depth...) The truth is, now I kind of can't get enough of bulerías. It is not that the fear has been eradicated completely, but the excitement and fun usually push it off to the side now. Gracias excitement and fun.
So, I used to haaaaate bulerías (while secretly loving it.)
I guess you could say I was kind of consumed with fear during my time in Jerez. I did things anyway, but I also didn't do things. Below is an excerpt (with some side notes) written during my first week alone there. For those who are new to this blog, I had been in Jerez a couple of weeks before for the Festival. After a brief trip to Portugal, I headed back. I arrived on Friday the 25th and began my search for classes.
Prior to leaving for Spain I knew who I wanted to take from and had names of studios and phone numbers; I even had an idea of when some of the classes were offered. Sí! I had done my research, I promise, as best as I could from Portland, Oregon...I had to for the RACC grant. And during the festival I got an idea of where the studios were located. But I had yet to figure out the class times. Could I have done more to determine this earlier in the month? Perhaps. But figuring out where and when things happen in that town is not as easy as one might think…
